Please Dont Leave Me Alone
by apainchaud
Summary: The heavyarms pilot finds himself all alone even so with the company of another companion. When the shadow of loneliness engulfs him how will the two save each other or are they doomed to suffocate within their own hell of the past.


Please Don't Leave Me Alone

Disclaimer:

I do not own Gundam Wing, Bandi does and all the rightful respective owners etc.

Labeled are the flash back scenes between the dots............the you may recognize them. And my story wouldnt look so stupid eith little reminders of whats happening IF THE BLODDY THING WOULD ALLOW MY STARS!!!

Hope you enjoy the read. R&R.

Respectively Areku.

Please Don't Leave Me Alone

"Alone" The single word drifted across the kitchen it seemed. It hung in the air, dancing with the aroma of hot coco.

The boy's hands grasped the coffee mug gently as he lifted it to those soft creamy lips. The steam tickled his nose slightly,

"No one is ever truly alone though my old friend" He paused in the middle of his sentence, eyes closed and mouth in a quirky grin just above the mugs surface, "Just…let for quiet time with someone or something always near by"

Heero pondered what the taller boy had said to him. His beautiful cobalt eyes stared into the remains of his coco long since cold. Was Trowa right about what he had said? The pilot of wing zero was confused beyond all reason. How could he be so sure? How could Trowa be so sure? The truth ways Trowa did not believe that too much himself. For he too now felt the true affects of being alone.

Trowa slowly watched his friend stare aimlessly. He pulled the cup to his lips and let the liquid wash against them like the waves upon the shore. His thoughts drifted back into the war, from the war to the end of it. In his thoughts he once again retraced steps of Heero and himself.

When the war was going on he could remember Relena always getting in the way. She interfered with battles and missions. She was a teenager caught in a violent game and could never realize it when the puppy love blinded her eyes.

He remembered hearing stories and incidents of Heero saying he would destroy her, but were the messages untrue; could they have been for loves purpose?

After the war however; Trowa noticed a change in them both. Relena had blossomed into an amazing leader, a hero who would one day get the world back into the shape it should be in. She was doing a good job at it too, but she was missing one thing. Heero Yuy. The girl with silk sandy colored hair had moved on, and with it she left Heero standing alone. No one understood if Heero ever loved her, or had hated her. For Trowa, he had simply protected her so he could finally stop fighting and killing. Heero knew she was the only way for peace all along didn't he. He simply wanted to end the war of all wars. So that in some way he would be forgiven for the death of the little girl and her dog Marie. He could finally let them rest.

What about myself though? Trowa thought. What were my reasons for saving him when he tried to destroy himself and blow apart Wing Zero. Was it because I too need to be with someone? Will anyone ever stop my nightmare, so that I too may put to rest my demons?.

Trowa slowly set the cup down on the table then. His emerald eyes focused intensely on the questions. His mind began to race and he was sure his heart had too. The memory washed over him as Heeros voice came into his head.....

......................flashback.......................................

"I just have one thing to say"

"Hn?" Trowa turned to look at him. His arms crossed as he leaned against the trailer window,

"It hurts so much" Heero had said it almost with irony. Trowa eyes widened, then closed and he began to laugh. His face lit up and the beautiful tenor voice came out so freely. Being in Heero's presence could always make him seem less of a monster.

He wasn't sure why he had done it. Gundam pilots didn't laugh. They killed in the name of peace. Peace. It had seemed like mockery then, killing soldiers, for killing people. They had done no better then anyone else, hypocrites.

"Trowa, could you tell me what happened while I was laying here unconscious?"

"Sure thing" Trowa turned from the window sternly. It had looked as though no smile had even been existing, if you blinked you would've missed it.

.................end.............................................

Trowa shook his head. Sadness swept through him like an artic chill. Later on that day Catherine had told him that when the boy had woken up she had heard him say the name Relena. Trowa didn't understand it then but he did now.

Just like Relena had been there for Heero to keep going on, Trowa had Heero. Heero needed Relena to stop his nightmare and pain. Did Trowa need Heero to stop his on going nightmare?

...................flashback.............................................

"That girl's tears stopped me" Trowa said to Heero as the flat bed carrying Heavyarms started up. There was a pause in the cockpit of the truck before Heero spoke,

"I told you before; the only way to live a good life is too act on your emotions. At least that's what I was told." He glanced at Heero's eyes and the concerns of his voice echoed in his mind, he smiled,

"I guess your right Heero" He nodded, "I guess your right"

.......................end............................................

Trowa shivered at the memory. Heero put his hand on Trowas wrist. It was warm and it made Trowas now too often cold skin feel alive again. It made Trowas heart seem to skip a beat. He wished Heero could warm the cold from him inside and out, so he wouldn't feel so cold and alone. So he wouldn't have to lie alone at night and never feel warm and un disturbed.

"Are you alright?" He asked, "You keep going away on me"

"I'm fine just, distracted" I would never leave you alone Trowa thought. That would be the last thing I could do too you old friend. I would never want you too feel this kind of pain, this kind of torture. Not even the showers that scold my back at all hours of the night into morning make me warm. Heero squeezed Trowas wrist,

"Maybe you should lay down you don't look so good" Trowa looked at the wing zero pilot. He did feel oddly tired and restless, maybe not like himself today. To be honest though Trowa hadn't felt like himself since the war ended a year ago even though it felt like so much longer. Has it only been year? Had it really been that long since Trowa had let go of Heavyarms his metal angel?

"Just tired" Trowa replied, "I've been like this since the war ended" He wasn't sure why he told Heero that. Mind you Heero was the first company Trowa had come in contact with since the war ended. Heero was also truly the first real contact during the war. He had spent more time with him then even Quatre. Heero stood up,

"Come on Trowa, you need the sleep. Ill take you upstairs then Ill leave you in peace" Trowa looked at the boy. You can take me upstairs Heero but please don't leave me alone.

"Its so cold..." Trowa hadn't even realized he'd said it. He seemed to sway on his feet and Heero steadied him with both arms,

"Trowa what's wrong? Are you alright?" Heero held onto him with both arms very tightly now. The boy gave him an emerald look before everything faded dark,

"Just tired…"

Now as the taller boy lay in against the cold stiff white sheets Heero ran his hands through Trowas hair. The encounter in the kitchen was way too scary for him to just leave the boy alone. The Latino skin was pale and worn out. Dark almost black circles surrounded the boy's eyes. His frame was strong but it made you think of how fragile he could be, like the glass angel you fear of holding because it could break.

"I know how you feel Trowa…I know how tired you are, how sick of being alone you are" Heero held Trowas hand, "I know you wake up screaming for someone to come running out of the memories of all the blood that stain our hands. To hold you from the horror of not one murder but millions. I know you wish you'd feel something other then cold and afraid. I know Trowa I know…" Heero buried his face in the pillow now beside Trowas hair. The scent of lavender appealing to his tortured mind. It was a change from the blood he could still smell, all the oil and the blood. God the blood just didn't stop and it would drown Heero in it, it would drown him!

"Heero…" The voice was soft. As Heero looked up he was amazed at what he saw. Trowa cupped his cheek with one hand, "Ill never leave you alone…..Never would I wish this upon anyone and you do not deserve this. The dog and her owner weren't your fault they just weren't. You stronger then I am Heero, I admire that in you, always have. You shouldn't have to feel this" His eyes closed, "You shouldn't…"

Heero watched the boy and bit his lip. Something broke inside and he flung himself down onto Trowas chest. The tears feel salty and there were many. Trowa wrapped his arms around Heero and the tears began to fall from his own eyes too.

"I never meant to kill them Trowa any of those people." Heero's sobs wracked his body, "I'm not the monster everyone thinks I am, Its not easy!" He screamed, "Why do they think it was so easy for me to kill them!"

Trowa held him; "Shh Heero its okay" Trowa knew that it wasn't. People always thought Gundam pilots were cold and ruthless, out of them all Heero. They thought him that way just because that was how he was taught to be, the Perfect Soldier. No one ever said Heero was perfect though…obviously even they could feel too.

"Why do they see a monster I'm not a monster Trowa I'm not" Trowa ran his hands through Heero's hair. His tears streamed paths down his face. He was not the Perfect soldier instead he was a mercenary. Something far worse. The Silencer. How he used to kill them just because he loved to hear the silence after their screams. But now that had all changed now he wasn't that way. He couldn't be. He wasn't that way he just wasn't. Everyone can change! Everyone could change!

"Heero, Heero" Trowa pulled the crumbled boy onto the bed and against him. Holding him like a small child. Heero's breathing had returned to normal and the two lay entangled in each others arms, broken and battered, however, not alone.

"Trowa don't, don't leave me alone, please, please not alone" Heero buried his face in Trowas shoulder and he held onto the smaller boy tighter. Trowa would not let go,

"I wont leave you alone, as long as you don't leave me" Trowa felt Heero's arms tighten around him. They held onto one another that way for hours. Warm and together. The screaming had stopped and the scent of blood was long gone. The scent replaced by Lavender and coco.

"Heero look at me" The boy raised his head to Trowas face. Tear lines left paths along the half asleep male's faces. Trowa long slender fingers wiped away the damp water from Heero's eyes, "I wont leave you, because for the first time since the war something makes sense to me. This makes sense to me. The way you feel in my arms the way were the same. I don't want to let you go Heero. Please tell me I don't have to let you go" Heero's eyes widened slightly. He id not care that this was something he had never shown in the war.

Act on your emotions he thought. Act on your emotions! And with one move forward he captured the male's lips against his own. They tasted sweet and alluring. There was no fear here and no blood. He listened and there was no screams. He kissed deeper and deeper. His tongue past Trowas teeth. And suddenly he was not cold. Trowa lay against the bed and pulled Heero down. As the blankets engulfed their forms the heat become too much. But the heat healed their wounds. The kisses healed their pain.

"This makes sense to me to Trowa. I love you. Please don't ever let me be alone." Heero buried his face in Trowas arms.

"Never let go Heero, Ill never let go" Trowa closed his eyes, "I love you"

And we will never be alone again…

end


End file.
